Do you feel like this?
Everything looks wonderful in social media. You have friends, you go to fun places, and you have nice “stuff”... but it's missing that special someone to share your life with, and it feels empty.
It’s that feeling of “OMG!
How the hell did I get here and not figure this out. I have everything I want except LOVE.” And it’s natural to think… “Why have I done everything else I’ve set out to do, and not this… is this all there is for me?”
I hear you!
You become really good at coping with things like yoga, trips, staying super busy and filling up life with good stuff, but you're also overworking, over-eating, hiding, feeling lost and lonely because you're longing someone who has your back, 100%, no matter what.
And every day there’s another reminder:
The problem is, finding the LOVE and connection that measures up to the rest of your life,
can feel like the impossible dream…
It’s a crossroads. Finding a truly amazing man who is an equal - a true partner, lover and best friend -- is either going to become a PRIORITY now… Or it’s time to give up and live with… "My life is good, I’m okay if I wind up alone."
If you resonate with this, it's because you have what I call a "Love Shield" and it comes up because there is a part of you that is scared... Scared that a previous trauma or negative experience may repeat itself or you feel your identity is at risk.
It could be about your childhood wounds that seem to never heal, or your emotional connection with the trauma as an adult that keeps you locked in fear.
There are fragments of our lives that don't seem like they should be causing any trauma but show up in different ways, such as over analyzing...
If you are stuck in your head, over thinking every aspect of a date, when he called last, every single word he said, you may be stuck in your head.
When you are stuck in your head it means your heart is not leading. And in relationships and love, it’s all about the heart! You could be missing out on queues about how he really feels about you when you think too much.
Think about one of your positive attributes. Do you over express it to the point of it becoming unsettling? Or, do you under-express it because you are scared it will be too much? These kind of things could be hurting your dating life.
So What? Now What? How to Move Forward?
In order to move forward you should take care to notice your judgments. How do you judge yourself? How do you judge other people? Remember your date is a human being who wants love, wants to avoid pain and wants to be happy, just like you.
I suggest journaling about the negative judgments you make about yourself. Write each judgment down and then make a positive script to replace the negative.
When you are on a date, collect ten pieces of positive evidence.
● What did you do well?
● What did your date do well?
● What aspects of the date went well?
When you drop the "love shield", you soften a bit. It opens you up to wonderful connections and intimate relationships.
To understand how your love shield is impacting how men see you and experience you... what to do to attract quality men to you instead of pushing them away - let go of self-destructive patterns, connect with men in an authentic way, stay present in the moment and be yourself.
Drop off the "Love Shield" and let the moment unfold without judgement!
Practice self-compassion, patience, and know that a relationship doesn't come to us "ready", but we build it together, daily, in a very loving way.
It’s Valentine’s Day and you realize that you may feel sad because it causes feelings of loneliness and
reminds you that you're single. Everywhere you look you see flower bouquets, candy retailers, gift stores and restaurants catering for romantic dinners for two.
I hear you! It’s not easy to go through moments where you wish things were different. And you start thinking thoughts that begin with “if only” …
- If only I had a boyfriend
- If only I didn’t break up with that guy
- If only I was thinner, or beautiful, or tall etc …
What happens when you have those kinds of thoughts is that your energy drops as if it was sucked away
by a powerful machine. These are called “un-useful thoughts” – because those thoughts serve you for
nothing! It won’t fix what happened, and it won’t bring you Mr. Right.
Here is the thing! You are not the only one feeling the blues during this romantic holiday. There are even
couples who resist Valentine's Day as much as possible, because of the pressure to purchase gifts and
celebrate the occasion like clockwork and who find the commercialization of Valentine's Day crazy even
though they're in love.
Let’s look at some advantages point of being single right now.
Instead of focusing on the drawbacks, think about the advantages of being single.
*You can do whatever you want with your free time
* You can choose where you want to live and where you want to go
* You can have your house as clean or as messy as you like.
* You don’t need to fight over the remote control
What else? Make a list!
Instead of thinking “if only” thoughts, I would like you to think about “useful” thoughts, which are
thoughts that have utility and fill you up with great energy.
* How could I treat myself today and be my own Valentine?
* What would I like to do?
* Where could I take myself out on a date?
* What if I give myself the gift of learning something new such as playing golf, swimming, skiing etc.?
* How would it be like to give me my favorite flower bouquet? Or a love ring?
* What about attending a day spa all day long or go for a sightseeing walk over the city?
* What friends could I Invite over or do something with?
Don't make this day about hurt and loss. Make it all about love, even when single! It's important that
you radiate love, not blues so that you can attract someone that is in the same wave link. Understand?
When you drag down your sadness you look unattractive. Just think about people you know that do that. Aren’t they unattractive?
Practice self-love because when you practice self-love miracles can happen!
This is not positive thinking, this is positive incarnation. It's your minutes on earth.
It's your melody. And it's your choice on how you play the song.
It is true that you can only love a person as much as you love yourself.
If you exercise self-love, you will allow and encourage others to express themselves in the same way. The more self-love you have for yourself, the better prepared you are for healthy relating.
Even more, you will start to attract people and circumstances to you that support your well-being. So, BE YOUR VALENTINES!
I hope you liked my post today. I welcome your thoughts and comments.
Thank you for stopping by and have a great Self-Love Valentine’s Day!
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