This saying has caught my attention, because I have been noticing people who talk a lot about their problems with friends not knowing how harmful this can be. I do believe that it's very important not to turn away from our pain, and face our fears by embracing our emotional state. However it's also important to find a safe space to do that, or we will all become like crying babies.
When we have a virus we don't go out hugging people... when we have an upset stomach we don't vomit on people... Right?
Emotional outburst must be treated like any other physical debilitation - you either go see a therapist or a coach, or you retreat so you can heal naturally by processing your own stuff.
There are numerous ways to fully express our emotions: breath deeply, walk in nature, exercise, cry,,, (just to name a few); but it seems like the most common way is to talk about it over and over with other people. Although this may bring a bit of relief, it's not what true healing is about.
On the other hand, I believe that by talking incessantly about what we don't want, brings more of that - which is not wanted - into our lives.
How about the person (or people) you decide to choose as your outburst container? Do you think they are prepared to take your stuff? What is the impact of hearing your negative feelings going to create in their lives? What are you spreading out? What's your (default) intention?
I'm not saying pretend everything is fine when things are not... but don't just use people to be your "healer" because they are not prepared to do so and it will affect their lives as well.
Also be careful not to use religion, yoga or any spiritual activity to bypass your emotional bruises. Like anything else, to me, it's about the middle way. How can I be genuine and authentic with my feelings without "contaminating" anyone else?
Perhaps you are not a talker, and you don't really behave this way, but what about your self talk? Are you addicted to beating yourself up and shut down so that people won't realize how unhappy you are? This isn't good either!
It's time to wake up! Stand up and say: yes, I'm in denial! This is no different then the AA (Alcoholics Anonymous)! There are 12 steps on their program that help people with various addictions and compulsive behavior. The first step is to say: "Yes, I admit I was powerless over this situation (in their case alcohol) and my life had become unmanageable. If you are adicted to talk or think "complaining" all the time, do this! Accept and change. Here's an excerpt from Teal Swan about denial, she calls it "spiritual bypassing". I find very interesting:
"Spiritual bypassing (or whitewashing) is the act of using spiritual beliefs to avoid facing or healing one's painful feelings, unresolved wounds and unmet needs. It is a state of avoidance. Because it is a state of avoidance, it is a state of resistance. I personally, consider Spiritual bypassing to be the shadow side of spirituality. The spiritual beliefs of any spiritual tradition, be it Christian, Hindu, Buddhist, New Age, Islamic, or even Self Help, can provide ample justification for living in a state of inauthenticity. They can all provide justification for avoiding the unwanted aspects of one's own feelings and state of being in favor of what is considered to be "a more enlightened state".
So, do not bypass your emotions, but also do not use people for negative venting either. If you can afford, or if your insurance pays, look for professional help. Coaches and Therapists are trained for that. Also, there are plenty of complimentary help online in youtube, or google. There are many groups that are designed to support one another. Google - your feelings and write help - I guarantee you will find a lot of positive information.
What do you say? Do you or someone you know suppress their emotions? Do you or someone you know use religion to avoid processing their own shadows? Do you or someone you know use other people to vent about their problems? In your view, what is the best way to be real and express vulnerability without using others as your therapist or coach?
Namaste Rosane CPC, ELI-MP
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